Well boy howdy did I need that break. Three weeks ago I was contemplating giving up on this whole graduate school endeavor so battered I was by the end of the first semester. I felt out of touch with friends and myself, exhausted and discouraged. And here a few wonderful weeks later I'm refreshed, regrouped and ready to start again. I cooked incessantly from my favorite new cookbook (thanks Ax!) and organized and entertained and sold clothes and bought new clothes and got a haircut (11 inches!) and went on some wonderful dates and celebrated holidays and read novels (see above) and played with new Christmas toys (Photoshop!) and held babies for hours. My sister asked, a few days ago, if I'd gotten ahead on my reading over the break and I realized I had never even considered spending my break on advance homework. All I wanted to do was rest and have fun. And I did. I soaked up rest and fun. Tonight, facing the prospect of school starting tomorrow, I'm not panicked, I'm ready and even excited.
I took a lot of time to think, in the last few weeks about why I'm doing all this and what I want out of life and run through alternate scenarios in my head to test out whether or not I'd be happier with something else. Aside from realizing happiness is mostly something I choose rather than something that happens to me, I've pretty much decided I'm right where I want to be. That's a funny thing to decide at the beginning of a year where I'm supposed to be cataloguing a list of changes to implement starting January 1. I've done that in the past, but this year I didn't feel the need for the fresh start that I have in the past. I feel the need to persevere in the goals I've already set, to keep working toward them with a cheerful attitude and diligence. Aside from small things such as learn to sail and really truly this time start doing yoga, I set goals instead of resolutions. Actually, the boy and I set goals together because it's all a team effort anyway. They're things like paying off debt by June and then rebuild our savings, by the end of the year be living on one income, and get me degreed. They're big picture goals but they've got us so excited for the possibilities ahead, and where we might be one year from now. We're ready to hunker down, eat lentils, work hard and relish it all with our goals in mind. So there you go, two diary-like entries in a row. I'll post something more characteristically trite tomorrow.
6 comments:
Love the photographs. And the thoughts. We are indeed responsible for our own happiness. Glad you feel so revived before school starts again.
And we are on a dried-beans-and-rice budget too! Oh, it's good to have camaraderie with you, even from a distance, Sarah.
I will echo the last comment; these are beautiful photos, and it is good to have camaraderie with your thoughts. So good to feel like despite the intensity of the work, it is the only worthwhile work for you right now! Oh, and, it could be worse. So true. Stephen often says, just think of the worst case scenario, reconcile yourself to that as a real potential, then, feel blessed. :)
Worthwhile goals and ahead of you is the exciting prospect and process of meeting them. Go get 'em!
I'm glad you're feeling refreshed! I know how that can be. Let's see that haircut! :)
I'm glad you got a needed break and feel ready to do another term. What's your best lentil recipe? Beans, rice, and lentils seem to be part of our new year goals as we purchase a house that needs lots of work and $$.
Need pictures of the haircut, silly girl!
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